Innocence Blog

Poems to my mother

We had fun didn’t we – on earth
We laughed, our laughing
released us from the pain
of circumstance.

We couldn’t adequately explain
or escape but like now
there are these nether worlds
right above or beyond – the
colliding particles of everyone else.

What I’m saying is that there’s
always a space to build a
sanctuary -

No space is too small -
your laughter filled those rooms
my laughter was the sky blue lining of yours -
enspiraled in one another.

hard to explain things now -
there has obviously been
a change

me here

you there

or here
i’m not able to give
the right word for every
designation

but i know this world is where
i’d rather be

opposed to the world on the other
side of this thin wall of
air? clouds? membrance of
something -

there are default worlds -
default worlds of pain – of
hunger – of void -

And i’d rather be in this
bright world of you -
of miracles dancing

I belong here. don’t i mother
with you. or not?

Are we really in two separate places?

i laugh when i think of all people i project my feelings onto -

when it’s so much better -
to relieve these minor deities

And talk to the source -

talk to the source – All these
bright stars – these individuals
web of stars – i’d talk to them
all – i’d memorize each one
of their stories – but

the door – the big door

is open. why make cold calls

to darkness – when angels

welcome you into light -

go ahead, fall back if you have to
Christopher

it’s only natural – gravity pulls
you down – everyone has to
deal with that -

Then go – let yourself go – Rise
like nothing – like everything
without weight -

this life it fades out -

watch with me
watch

i disappear

forever.

March 2005, Normal IL

“…We exist outside our conversations, with ourselves and with others, we are part of the silent nature of things. When we are confined to our thoughts, we look remotely out from the lighthouse of consciousness to the silent order of things. We move deeper into the sea of the body, the tide of the senses. We begin to taste reality. The unconsciousness formless realm has no preexisting shape or destiny but erupts spontaneously in unpredictable manifestations that can hardly be expected. Control is an illusion. By my fear, I am trying to control the silent order of things. It is a reaction to feeling separate, divided from nature. As I learn to objectify my mind and not allow the mind authority over me, I move closer into the realm of the unconsciousness. The silent nature of the universe brings life and death. Life and death cannot be escaped. By retreating into the stories of the mind, I am not avoiding death and I am not controlling it. Death happens and it will happen in various unforeseen manifestations. The silence is enlightenment, the silence is awakening.”